The Murmatrons

This man is fuel-rich. The calorific value of all that junk he owns is huge.

In our utopian world of 2008, if your memory serves you correctly, poverty has been abolished for so long that you can't even remember what it means.

It's good that you can't remember, because in our modern global village of plenty, poverty is rightfully the domain of those horrible godless foreigners from Africa and suchlike.

But wait... There's a new kid on the block - “Fuel Poverty” - and your government is doing everything in its power to eradicate it before it gets a hold of our brave new world.

Fuel Poverty (fyū'əl pŏv'ər-tē)

noun.

1. The state of having to spend more than 10% of disposable income to keep your fleet of private jets running. Cost-cutting measures on imported Cuban cigars and vintage Cognac may be necessary.
2. The state of having to spend more than 10% of disposable income on heating so that you don't die of hypothermia. Cost-cutting measures such as eating left-over cat-food may be necessary.

As you can see, it affects the rich and not-so-rich alike. It's a disease that, left untreated, could shatter the fragile myths that our utopia is founded upon.

Remember - Poverty is a state of mind that is punishable by an on-the-spot fine of £120. Cat-food is tasty and nutritious.

Murmatron ‘Double-think’ Correspondent